tentacles | Bizarro Central

World Horror Cinema: Ireland

By Sam Reeve

Title: Grabbers

Year: 2012

Language: English

My rating: 7/10

This movie has everything you would expect from the Emerald Isle: gorgeous rolling hills, chalky cliffs, foul-mouthed fishermen, a slew of happy drunks…and aliens? Think The Host, but funnier and with more alcohol. It’s fun, crazy and even a tad bit sweet. Grabbers found a cozy little corner in my heart and refuses to leave (and I won’t make it).

The premise in Grabbers is simple: a small Irish island is attacked by tentacled aliens who suck people’s blood and cut their heads off, but they’ve got one weakness – they’re allergic to alcohol. Solution? To survive the night, the Irish do what they do best, and drink themselves silly. An alcoholic and a workaholic police duo team up to keep the booze flowing and the townspeople safe inside the pub, all the while trying to keep the invasion secret so as to avoid a panic. But as you might expect, the bar eventually runs dry and they must search for a way to kill the aliens, all while still quite intoxicated.

Fun fact: the writer, Kevin Lehane, came up with the idea when wondering whether mosquitos get hangovers from sucking the blood of drunk people.

This was a fun movie to watch, and definitely merits a second viewing. The cast was great, the aliens looked great, and even if the basic plot was not the most original, I loved every minute of it. I recommend pairing Grabbers with a good brew and a few mates for maximum enjoyment.

Here is the trailer, so you’ll know what you’re getting into. Below that is the full movie. Seen it already? Let us know what you thought in a comment below!

October 12, 2013 | Categories: Movies, Videos | Tags: alcohol, alien invasion, drinking, grabbers, horror, ireland, irish, monster movie, tentacles, world horror cinema | Leave a comment

Twisted Tuesdays: 13 Classic Bizarro Porn Movies/Clips, NSFW

I’ve watched quite a lot of porn in my day. As you may have noticed, my wtf threshold is rather high but there are some pornographic films I have come across that really are bizarre even for me. It takes a lot for me to pause and go “WTF am I watching?” Here are 13 of the most Bizarro porn movies and clips you should see…

Obviously all links are NSFW and XXX rated. Don’t worry if you get a weird boner, it happens to the best of us and I obviously have watched all of these movies so you can just blame me for your weird fap this Twisted Tuesday.

1) Edward Penishands – An actually decent movie as far as Bizarro porn is concerned. The plot is almost identical to Edward Scissorhands except it’s a porn and he has peni for hands. Edward is kind of hot too if you’re into crying goth boys with penis hands.

This clip of Edward Penishands eating spaghetti is fucking art.

2) Live Action La Blue Girl – Based on the classic hentai which is known for quite a bit of tentacle rape, the live action version isn’t nearly as good as the animated version but it’s still a good attempt and they did a decent job with the tentacles. There’s a lot of them.

3) Biancaneve e i sette nani./Snow White and the Seven Dwarves – LOVE this Italian Snow White porn! The link shows the classic scene where Snow White is getting anal from a dwarf while the other 6 dwarves cheer him on. There is something really magical about that scene that Disney totally missed out on.

4) Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy (1976) – This 70’s Alice in Wonderland musical porn is a whimsical and cheesy porn tribute to the Lewis Carroll classic. It’s pretty tame since it was made in the 70’s, although still totally X-rated.

5) Frankenpenis – Remember John Wayne Bobbitt who had his penis cut off by his wife who threw it out the window while driving and he had to have it sewed on? If you were too young to remember that, it actually happened and Bobbitt ended up making a porn film with his freshly attached penis, aptly named Frankenpenis which is an “outlandish porno spoof featuring a post-surgery John Wayne Bobbitt as Frankenpenis, a castrated man who had a ‘super penis’ sewed onto him in an experiment.”

6) Let My Puppets Come – Often compared to Meet the Feebles since there aren’t many pornographic puppet movies, Let My Puppets Come is about puppets who make a porn movie with human and puppet talent.

The concept of the film is much more interesting than the actual movie. The bondage porn scene from Meet the Feebles is much better:

7) Jack-in-the-Box – Random porn clip, that I’ll admit, gave me a weird boner. I don’t even know how I found it but some guy dressed like a creepy clown thing jumps out of of a jack-in-the-box and giggles maniacally the entire course of having sex with some chick.

8) A Wet Dream on Elm Street – “PLOT: After having sex with her boyfriend, a woman is shocked when he transforms into Freddy Krueger, who she mistakes for Edward James Olmos. Freddy seduces the woman with his glove, which has vibrators affixed to the fingers.”

9) E.T. porn – Everything is Terrible described the E.T. costume as a “burn victim wrapped in seaweed” which I found to be pretty accurate. E.T. is a female and explores human sexuality with some “high society” people and looks like the Toxic Avenger with cancer.

10) Genki porn – Totally against this because poor sea creatures, but it is wtf so had to add it to the list. VICE has a good documentary on the guy who makes Japanese eel porn. The pictures are pretty incredible. I’ll give him that.

11) This Ain’t the Smurfs XXX – Porn parodies are super popular now, there is pretty much a porn parody of every TV show and film in existence. It’s an extension of rule 34. io9 has an epic guide to porn parodies and I’ve seen most of them. The Smurfs one is pretty up there in the Bizarro meter.

12) Attack of the Flying Lizards, from Perverted Stories 34 – Chick has sex with some Pterodactylus including a hand puppet. There really isn’t enough puppet porn.

13) Along Came the Spider, from Perverted Stories 32 – Seriously the most Bizarro porn I’ve ever seen. If you can top a porn with a giant creepy female spider giving a blowjob please let me know in the comments!