Twisted Tuesdays: 13 Classic Bizarro Porn Movies/Clips, NSFW
I’ve watched quite a lot of porn in my day. As you may have noticed, my wtf threshold is rather high but there are some pornographic films I have come across that really are bizarre even for me. It takes a lot for me to pause and go “WTF am I watching?” Here are 13 of the most Bizarro porn movies and clips you should see…
Obviously all links are NSFW and XXX rated. Don’t worry if you get a weird boner, it happens to the best of us and I obviously have watched all of these movies so you can just blame me for your weird fap this Twisted Tuesday.
1) Edward Penishands – An actually decent movie as far as Bizarro porn is concerned. The plot is almost identical to Edward Scissorhands except it’s a porn and he has peni for hands. Edward is kind of hot too if you’re into crying goth boys with penis hands.
This clip of Edward Penishands eating spaghetti is fucking art.
2) Live Action La Blue Girl – Based on the classic hentai which is known for quite a bit of tentacle rape, the live action version isn’t nearly as good as the animated version but it’s still a good attempt and they did a decent job with the tentacles. There’s a lot of them.
3) Biancaneve e i sette nani./Snow White and the Seven Dwarves – LOVE this Italian Snow White porn! The link shows the classic scene where Snow White is getting anal from a dwarf while the other 6 dwarves cheer him on. There is something really magical about that scene that Disney totally missed out on.
4) Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy (1976) – This 70’s Alice in Wonderland musical porn is a whimsical and cheesy porn tribute to the Lewis Carroll classic. It’s pretty tame since it was made in the 70’s, although still totally X-rated.
5) Frankenpenis – Remember John Wayne Bobbitt who had his penis cut off by his wife who threw it out the window while driving and he had to have it sewed on? If you were too young to remember that, it actually happened and Bobbitt ended up making a porn film with his freshly attached penis, aptly named Frankenpenis which is an “outlandish porno spoof featuring a post-surgery John Wayne Bobbitt as Frankenpenis, a castrated man who had a ‘super penis’ sewed onto him in an experiment.”
6) Let My Puppets Come – Often compared to Meet the Feebles since there aren’t many pornographic puppet movies, Let My Puppets Come is about puppets who make a porn movie with human and puppet talent.
The concept of the film is much more interesting than the actual movie. The bondage porn scene from Meet the Feebles is much better:
7) Jack-in-the-Box – Random porn clip, that I’ll admit, gave me a weird boner. I don’t even know how I found it but some guy dressed like a creepy clown thing jumps out of of a jack-in-the-box and giggles maniacally the entire course of having sex with some chick.
8) A Wet Dream on Elm Street – “PLOT: After having sex with her boyfriend, a woman is shocked when he transforms into Freddy Krueger, who she mistakes for Edward James Olmos. Freddy seduces the woman with his glove, which has vibrators affixed to the fingers.”
9) E.T. porn – Everything is Terrible described the E.T. costume as a “burn victim wrapped in seaweed” which I found to be pretty accurate. E.T. is a female and explores human sexuality with some “high society” people and looks like the Toxic Avenger with cancer.
10) Genki porn – Totally against this because poor sea creatures, but it is wtf so had to add it to the list. VICE has a good documentary on the guy who makes Japanese eel porn. The pictures are pretty incredible. I’ll give him that.
11) This Ain’t the Smurfs XXX – Porn parodies are super popular now, there is pretty much a porn parody of every TV show and film in existence. It’s an extension of rule 34. io9 has an epic guide to porn parodies and I’ve seen most of them. The Smurfs one is pretty up there in the Bizarro meter.
12) Attack of the Flying Lizards, from Perverted Stories 34 – Chick has sex with some Pterodactylus including a hand puppet. There really isn’t enough puppet porn.
13) Along Came the Spider, from Perverted Stories 32 – Seriously the most Bizarro porn I’ve ever seen. If you can top a porn with a giant creepy female spider giving a blowjob please let me know in the comments!
Happy Twisted Tuesday Bizarros! Hope you have a twisted fap!
Weekly Weird Art: Christopher Golebiowski
Guest Post by Andrew Wayne Adams
Sam Reeve is busy fighting bears this weekend, so I am filling in to bring you this emergency Weekly Weird Art post, since we know you will go into convulsions without your regular dose of deranged images. I don’t know any artists, so Sam had to give me a few names from her stash, shouting them into the phone as she warded off yet another gang of grizzlies. She managed to name off only a few before the line went dead. I’m not worried; those bears don’t stand a chance.
One of the names she gave me was Christopher Golebiowski. I looked him up. His art is childish, political, disturbing, confusing, and fun. Apparently he’s from Sweden. I know nothing else about him. I don’t know how Sam finds these people.
Here’s his Flickr, and here’s his deviantART. And here’s a small selection of my favorites:
Stay tuned next week for a selection of work by grizzly bear painters! (Like, bears who are painters! Mostly abstract stuff, but very good.) Yeah, not really.
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Andrew Wayne Adams is the author of Janitor of Planet Anilingus, a bizarro novella available from Eraserhead Press. He was born and raised in rural Ohio. It was awesome! He now lives in Oregon and trains bears how to fight.
Friday Night Fucked Up Film Festival
by Tracy Vanity
Demonic Japanese Furbies, killer plush toys, creepy sex robots, and of course, music about hell…here is a compilation of 9 short creepy videos to kick off your weekend:
+1 full-length classic feature film: John Carpenter’s They Live!
If you haven’t seen this before, WATCH IT! If you have, WATCH IT AGAIN! It’s about a working class man down on his luck who discovers some special glasses that help him see the world for what it truly is. Those of you who are familiar with Shepard Fairey’s work will see where the Obey thing originated.
“Either put on these glasses or start eating that trashcan!”
Enjoy and have a splendid weekend Bizarros!
Vanity’s Creepypasta Halloween Countdown Day #15: Keeping it Necro
by Tracy Vanity
True story of a man who loved a woman so much he keeps her corpse, has sex with her, and tries to bring her back to life even though she’s been dead for two years! The story becomes more bizarre than that…
This reminds me of one of my favorite films. The following clip is actually one of the most epic film scenes in the history of cinema. I was blown away and rather turned on when I first saw this. If you haven’t watched Nekromantik 1 & 2 yet, you must!
Nekromantik 1 is about a necrophiliac couple who fuck and woo corpses that the male protagonist, Rob Schmadtke, acquires from his job at Joe’s Cleaning Agency, which is a company that removes dead bodies. When Rob gets fired from his dream job and his girlfriend Monica leaves him for a corpse, he does this to himself at the end:
Necromantik 2 opens with the same scene and then Monica digs Rob up and falls in love with him. So necromantic!
I recommend any film by Jörg Buttgereit. He makes some beautifully fucked up shit!
I also recommend this great interview with a female necrophiliac which answers all your burning questions about necrophilia like “how?” Originally published in Apocalypse Culture.
For the record, if any necros want my body when I’m dead, have at it! Just please be sure I get a Tibetan Sky Burial after you’re done.
Now Available: Baconlube!
Have you ever gone down on a loved one and suddenly got the urge to devour a juicy BLT? Well then, you’ll be happy to know that the good people over at J&D’s, the makers of Baconaisse, have developed a new product that will have you craving genitals for breakfast: Baconlube! Try it today!
Bizarro Central 